The Terrible Twos in a Marriage

No you didn't...!

You finally got married after dating with not much fanfare. Now, can you imagine yourself being married 24/7? No more good byes and, "see you tomorrow honey." Personally, my wife and I, did experience changes from the very first day we spent our lives together. Did we survive? Sure, but we needed to adapt ourselves to that "togetherness" mentioned in songs and Hallmark^® cards. However, some growing pains were felt from the very first weeks we spent our lives together. Not on the honeymoon week, way after...!

Let's check our sharp memory and find those "curious" moments that "spiced" the relationship. You might relate to some situations that are being upload to our brain.

The darn Toilet Seat...!

Yeah, we were boys, (boys will be boys) and we never needed to keep that toilet seat clean or "down," but this time a woman was in our life. At first she overlooked the due "sprinkling," but one night she finally exploded. "Joseph! You are so nasty ! I'm not your mother; you need to clean this toilet seat for your new wife. Do you read the words... that are coming from my lips?" I was in shock. My newly wed wife was really talking like my mother-in-law for the first time! Yeah! like mother, like daughter!

Those strange sounds and gases under the bedsheets...

One thing is to live a single existence and do whatever you want! You got mad at your boss and vented out your "frustration" under the bedsheets with no problems at all, but, yes... here we go again. Releasing tension and colorful gases next to your loved one is like... having two presidential candidates discussing about weapons of mass destruction.

It can be cause of divorce in certain states. Here was her reaction: "you are so ### disrespectful Joseph! Why did you break wind without telling me? And the worse part is that smells like you shit in the pajamas my mother gave you as a wedding present!"

That was it! I was cured for life. Either made sure to stop eating boiling eggs after 5 p.m. or take the next slap (smack) in the face like a man. Worse case scenario I would have to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night! Bye Goya green beans!

"Your socks are mismatched..!"

Yikes!! I was not single anymore! I kept forgetting. My new wife was so different now. She would remind me to get my "shirt" together. Being single you were used to wear mistmarched socks and maybe no underwears (ew!). But now you were living next to a stranger, who said "I do" to your pretenses.

Marriage was another story now, and things would have to change, for good or bad. The virtual college dorm life was over, and there was no turning back: she was pregnant as expected. Not even Batman, Superman and the incredible hulk were there to help us. Found out too late that a woman, actually had a mind faster than a freaking speeding bullet!

Now, You will Learn to Clean that Shower Tub!

Wait a minute, now I have to scrub those tiles and that shower tub base? "Wifey" would go with us to buy everything from Pine-sol^®, to Ajax® products. New curtain showers were bought to match the new rubber tub mat. We barely cleaned the tubs being single. Life was hectic enough, and cleaning the shower tub like our wife did, was a torturous experience.

But don't get me wrong, she was right. Our filthy life as a single dude was over. We sure had to mop the kitchen spotless clean as well. I still remember the smell of the clean house. But then Pregnancy was in its early stages.

A real anecdote:

One time wife wanted a pink tub, so I went to buy some kind of glossy and varnish pink paint. It was a rented apartment on a second floor (Union TWP, NJ). I didn't know much about paint and water. Just wanted to please my wife for sure. On the second day. the paint clogged the tub, and the tenants on the first floor had to share my pain: had to get a plumber to destroy his bathroom ceiling in order to clean the debris inside my tub drainage. All in the name of love!

Cravings at 2 a.m.

When your wife becomes pregnant, either you crave and puke, or your wife asks for Pizza at 2:30 a.m. Either she wants to eat candle-light wax, or smell a burning match. You just pray, she doesn't crave for sushi at 3 a.m.

Some marriage don't make it this long for stupid things. Did love songs and lyrics mention about those cravings? All we heard was heavenly words and not unbelievable words from a script from "Married with Children." I was like Al Bundy!

Took two to make a baby. Took the both of us to realize that marriage changed our lives. Took about two years to adapt completely to the laundry, the baby formulas, the new house and those damn creidt cards. Took the two of us to make a decision: either we love each one after all, or we were bound to split.

A baby was there. Love was unique, and my meals were done with so much care and loving. I didn't mention the new pet and how to change sprinkling diapers, but her lasagnas and meatball were superb! Nonetheless, marriage and life being married survived with rewarding feelings lost between tender hugs.

Now, I don't Know how the President does balance campaigns and marriage, but it really takes two to make it happen.